Okay, I'm sorry, but this is going to be a total 180 from my last post. I do not feel tall and beautiful, I am not a strong little flower. But I will preface this post by warning you that I've been having a buttload of anxiety and depression this past week topped off with a heavy dousing of hopelessness the last two days. Also, it's 8am and I'm eating Candy Cane and Dark Chocolate with Mint Truffle Hershey's Kisses as I write this.
Does anyone else feel like the world totally sucks right now?!?!
As I drove Brandon to work this morning, I chanted out loud "I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my rotten lousy life". I can't get a job in my field, I have family members who like to share my personal information, I have seemlingly reasonless anxiety that verges on dabilitating, and so many people in this world are just cruel, selfish and thoughtless.
Now that I think about it, as I was chanting I probably made Brandon feel like it was his fault, which it totally isn't. That man loves me so much. He puts up with the bad/mean things I do on purpose and snuggles me and tells me he loves me no matter how grouchy and unkind I am.
And he works so hard and gets so little in return. Which is reason number one why I'm so infuriated this morning.
Brandon works for a company (which shall remain nameless because I just can't afford to be sued for libel right now) that DOES NOT appreciate him. He's been working for them for two years and has put up with all sorts of crap from them. He moved from Calgary to Edmonton, was laid off, and then moved back to Calgary to continue working for them.
Granted, this probably wasn't the best/smartest move on his part, but the opportunity for decently paying jobs has been sparse. I'll get to that little bundle of wonderment later.
Anyway, Brandon has proven his loyalty time and time again. Finally, after more than a year working for them, they finally decided to move him from the bottom of the pile and give him a promotion. He was ecstatic! I was ecstatic, though wary. And for a few months, we were golden.
I wouldn't say I live a life of luxury. I don't go out and buy every and anything that tickles my fancy. I have a lot of self-control when it comes to spending our money and I generally run with this question in mind: Do I need it? If not, is it worth it?
So for those few months at said un-named business, we weren't living the life of money, but we were finally at a point where we didn't have to worry if our bills were going to get paid, or if renting a movie this week was going to put us past our overdraft limit. We were finally safe.
And then....
On Monday, Brandon came home from work and told me he wasn't working the next day. Even though he'd been promoted, for the past month or so, he'd been doing a job that had nothing to do with his position. He'd been invited to participate in the training required for his new position, but on Monday after he got back to the shop, he found two pieces of paper tacked up on the wall. One was a list of all those who would be participating in the training the next day, and the other was a list of people who would be doing other jobs for the day.
Brandon's name wasn't on either. Which means, his promotion was revoked.
Say what?!
I hate that saying, but seriously, WHAT?! This is absolutely ridiculous! I know Brandon had a review last week and that he'd been missing some things on his job sites, newbie mistakes, but even the vetrans at the company STILL make those mistakes and no one says a word about it and they still have jobs every day. And can someone please tell me why new guys who've only been there for a month are working, but Brandon is told to stay home?
I've told Brandon to TALK TO THEM! Tell them how he feels, give them his perspective. But he tells me he's tried, and nothing ever comes of it. So, some might ask us, why doesn't he just quit and find a new job? I've been asking him that same question for over a year. The fact is, it's a really good safety net. Brandon doesn't have any post-secondary education, and at this point, we can't afford for him to get any. And in all honesty, I don't think it would make a difference. I've got a bachelor's degree, and where do I work? At Ricky's All Day Grill in Shawnessy.
Graduates can't get a job anywhere because everyone wants five to eight years of experience. And the economy is so crappy right now that the babyboomers are coming out of retirement. Who do you think they're going to choose? The vetran who they don't have to train? Or the new guy who is eager as anything but doesn't have a lick of experience?
Boooo on the economy! BOOOOOO!
So now we're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Brandon doesn't get any respect or appreciation, but he can't quit because there aren't any employers who will hire him without experience and pay him what he's getting paid now.
I don't want it to be true, but right now.... it feels like money is everything.
This whole situation is so not my cup of tea. It's not even my cup. And all that Brandon said to me this morning after I'd finished my chanting, was "We just have to work through it". But I'm tired of just working through it. I don't want to push through all the time, head down, shoulder to the forces.
Is this all we'll ever get? A month or two every couple of years where we can finally walk at ease and breathe without having to look over our shoulders? When will "safe" replace "fear"?
