The Man Who Honked

I'd like to take this moment to express how irritating certain people are. The people I speak of specifically today are honkers. Not the people who honk in traffic as a means to tell you to get the heck out of the way, but the people who arrive at your doorstep and honk to let you know they've arrived and that now is about the time that you should be walking out your front door to get into their car.

As I was waking up this morning I heard one such individual do just that. My husband and I sleep with the bedroom window open so as to create some kind of decent airflow through the room at night, so when this person drove up outside my window and honked, I heard it loud and clear.

After about a minute I heard another honk and sat up in my bed and looked out to see what was going on. I thought maybe it had something to do with the construction going on in the back alley, but as I gazed out through my open window I discovered just what I had truly suspected: an immature little man probably in his thirties, parked outside my window in his stupid little black car. The little turd left his engine running too, which is lame sauce since he sat there for about five minutes waiting for the person he was honking at to show up and get in the car.

I was half tempted to go out there, knock on his window and say,

"How old are you?! Didn't your mother teach you anything?! You do NOT honk when you want somebody to come out to your car. You get out and knock, or buzz, or ring, whatever it is that needs to be done. Don't be such a lamewad!"

But I didn't.

Before I could get too irritated with the man I got up and got my day started and casually looked out my window at the same time, just to see what would happen next. I closed the blinds and changed into some sweats and as I started making the bed I tried to give the guy the benefit of the doubt and to see things from his perspective. That lasted about two seconds because as I reopened the blinds I realized that it was sleeting out. (This is what I call it when Mother Nature can't decide whether to rain or snow).

What a little girl! Did he seriously pull up ten feet from the front door and honk just because he didn't want to get out of his precious car and get wet?! I couldn't see him very well but I could just imagine his popped collar and hair gelled into concrete. What a punk!

At the point that I was arranging my four teddy-bears at the top of the bed, I saw the lady this man had been honking at exit the building. She was wearing jeans and a tight bright pink hoodie, probably from LuLu Lemon, and she was carrying an enormous garbage bag. My first thoughts were "she's moving in with him and that garbage bag of stuff is all she owns. Her roommate doesn't like him, so that's why he didn't buzz". My next thought was "he's parked right in front of the dumpster".

I kept watching as she threw the bag into the dumpster and walked to his car just to find out if I could see her face and maybe recognize her, which is a semi-creepy thing to do considering she could see me in plain view if she even so much as glanced up at my window.

Well I saw her face and I had no idea who she was. But I was sad for her and slightly annoyed with her for being with a man who would treat her like a pet. "C'mon girl! Here girl! C'mere! Get in the car! Who's a good girl?"

As soon as she got in the car I assumed that my people-watching time was over, so I started to pick things up around the room and stubbed my foot against the frame of our bed as I tried to skirt around my husband's massive pile of clothes on the floor. Grabbing my foot and holding it close to my chest, I fell back onto the bed and whimpered slightly as I plotted angry words I might use to convince my husband to pick up after himself.

But before I could structure full-sentence threats, something caught my eye. The little black car with my two mystery people was still sitting outside my window, only it was about twenty feet further away. It was almost as if they'd started to leave and she'd forgotten something and run back inside to get it. If that was the case I was even more irritated with that guy. The douche-bag couldn't even back up twenty feet to put her closer to the door.

It ended up that she was still in the car and they were just sitting there, so I didn't have anything to be angry about. They turned around and came back toward the building and I saw the man clearly. I didn't take notice of his face though, all I could focus on was the gangster lean he had going on as they slowly crept past the building. What a tool.